My favorite part of the year so far was when you laid three soft kisses behind my ear as I stumbled into consciousness rapt in your limbs.
I so often wish I could bring you sensations, moments, bits of the fabric of things. Today, on the edge of the forest, white throated deer ate new leaves off of saplings a few feet away, as I, black clothes stark against the bark, picked sap and brought it to my face. These moments, like the rocks, in some way unmoving, smooth, clever. I wish to bring these to you untarnished by translation, and in the same moment I know it to be impossible. But I know that very soon we will be in the same room – and that that is the closest two humans get to seeing, as one, the quality of light in an afternoon.
This song plays in my head as I stand on the fence across from the mall. Quickly, urgently, I smoke a cigarette. A single drop of rain falls on the corner of my mouth. This brings me into the sense-memory of kissing you. There is visceral truth in these tightly-spun lyrics.
I, unhinged, sorry
Hold care for you
Begin to love`
And who else
I tie a thin strip of leather around my wrist. I drive across the country. I say “I love you” and for the first time in a long time the words make it past my lips. I take polaroids of the people I love. I climb walls. I eat sardines out of the back of my car. I listen. Tears of rapturous gratitude overtake me
“Maybe take this as a time to search in some of those dark places you don’t go to everyday”
“It’s good to see shadow – people have to take care of the shadow”
I’m beginning to see togetherness as beautiful
we ate apples
the moon wet above the mountain
singing magnetic fields’ songs
kissed (alive) atop an anthill
This is a tribute to one of the best friends I have in this life. Your consistent and undeterred enthusiasm to see me, and your relentlessly amazing sense of humor have lifted my life and enriched my soul. Together, we have claimed the coffee shops and grocery stores as our places of worship. Ah! The pints of ice cream eaten in parking lots! The nights of storytelling! The languid Sundays! You taught me how to be more discerning about people and more trusting of the world and more improvisational. I feel at home with you. You taught me that intimacy with another human, even platonically, is possible and desirable and lovely. You have set the bar for all future connectedness with another soul. Thank you for giving this town vibrancy and waking me up and bringing me into your life. I love you.
( alternate songs: Drake – One Dance, Belle & Sebastian – Perfect Couples )