“I told you when I came I was a stranger”
I’m in love.
Everything is strange and I have not been able to believe what my life has become. I am exaltive and overwhelmed.
<Fecundity> and <Wantonness>
the city lifts you on a bicycle
and the wind! The wind on your rich lips!
our eyes alight with tempest
your visage now lost to the crowd
(penned partially in Zagreb May 2016)
We set out on the high road amidst mesas and clouds of overpowering majesty. Between us was a loaf of homemade Peruvian Corn Bread which we tore apart with our teeth. We spoke about the rapidity of changes in perception and the urgency of examining one’s own consciousness. After slogging through a musty thrift store, she found high waisted black velvet pants. We arrived at the river full throated; pantsless and suspended we swam, hugged the sky, and kissed the mesas. Our fingers traced whorls beneath the currents. Bliss.
My car jumped off of a wall – there was a moment of suspension before landing – the smell of exhaust and smoke and latex dusted airbag against my cheek and then the blur of the faces of kind passerbies. “Are you okay??” “Do you need a ride?!” “Are you okay?” My home lay bleeding, its nose in oncoming traffic. The police came. The man whose wall I’d smashed came. Everyone was civil and kind.
My friends pulled up, playing Lemonade, their car full of foil balloons. One of the balloons said “It’s a boy!” The tow truck pulled up, and its lights illuminated my shattered windshield. In another friend’s car we followed the tow-truck at a maddeningly slow pace.
I have good people all around me, but strangely that is no comfort. Although I have not had physical solidity for years, only now am I bereft of a home.
“this rhythm is for everyone”
“a bit of salt will help break up the egg”
In recent times I have been captive of three infinities.
The first was a scooter ride along the Vietnamese coastline. A mesmeric dutch girl behind me, shivering to the point of convulsion. Sheets of needle-sharp rain in our eyes. Collaborative humor amidst genuine suffering. Slender tunnels so filled with wind and freighters that emerging without injury seemed implausible.
The second, the bus from Podgorica, Albania to Athens, Greece. The Albanian couple, laughing boisterously and smiling unabashedly, feeding me small handfuls of dried fruit. The cumulative weight of the long absence of conversation I could cognize. Euphoric fatigue, inescapable and intimate, pumping through my veins with as much urgency as was present at our first acquaintance.
The third, a moonlit hike in the Jemez Mountains. Cascading hot-springs many miles from civilization beneath a dome of cliff and stars. A complete disrobing. Boots holding our flesh aloft atop a wide road until the moonlight washing our skin turned sharp, and our thirst faded into the forest alive around us. Finding the car adrift in its own glass.