as if to speak
“bring something sweet”
for you to crush beneath your heel
as if in searching I could find
in every long draught
I can speak as
can you see –
but to breath is
full as I can be
This song plays in my head as I stand on the fence across from the mall. Quickly, urgently, I smoke a cigarette. A single drop of rain falls on the corner of my mouth. This brings me into the sense-memory of kissing you. There is visceral truth in these tightly-spun lyrics.
I, unhinged, sorry
Hold care for you
Begin to love`
And who else
- any revelation or disclosure; an unveiling
- a disaster resulting in drastic, irreversible damage to human society or the environment, esp. on a global scale; a cataclysm
“I’m on vacation”
Why must so much of life be convalescent? What is it that we are all so desperate to recover from? Our childhoods? The weight of the life we’ve built?
Is it not possible to enjoy all of our time in this wildly beautiful world? In what grevious reality must our everyday lives be so dull as for us to desire an escape from them?!
People seek validation for the things they already believe. We find research to back up our personal truths. We seek in the places we know we will find. I propose this: Go in blind and go out burning. Nothing with known consequences is worth investing in. Sit very still and very straight and begin the new day with as much fierce brightness as you can stomach.
I leave you with this, from the ever lovely Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson
One day Jane’s hair starts to fall out. Not in that “I’m shedding” way, but in a “Wow, the entirety of my scalp is noticeably less covered by hair!” way. She wanders onto the screened-in porch, and falls into deep reverie. The trees are golden, the air fragrant. She wonders if her husband has noticed. She wonders if this is the product of an undiagnosed autoimmune disorder. Maybe there are too few vegetables in her diet? A wasp is attempting to escape the upper left corner of the porch. Her legs and arms are still amply furnished. She checked. She returns to the house and begins to cook salmon fillets in a cast iron skillet.